Heart to Heart

The truth is my time here is Medellin has been a mix of loving it, amazed by the people, loving the dance and music everywhere and how there can be so much green lushness in a city, with the blend of traffic, cars having the right away so they, most of the time, will not stop or pause for you, so I find myself scampering over the roads quickly and then the hard parts….adjusting to being on the road again, the slight twinge of missing people at home, being around people that “get me”…this twinge came yesterday! So I reached out to friends and all is well in my heart again.

But the hardest part so far has been learning Spanish...it is something I so want to do, and my brain some days is good with it, other days it is like it has deleted everything I have learned. I realize the best thing for my brain it to just relax and it retains better…..and the challenge is I have a slight crush on my Spanish teacher…the side of me that wants to impress and be “the good student” well, Spanish is not the place to do that. So I am at a loss to show him my true self. And I get to look at that inside myself…why do I want to impress? And I am used to being a good student and how it challenges me when I don’t feel I am. And I know I am doing great, it just is different. And it is a good thing to look at and feel, as I am so out of my comfort zone with it all…Spanish and being slightly attracted to someone who is my teacher. In my world, you just don’t date your teacher or ask your teacher out! Even though, being a teacher myself I have been asked out many times by students…and my answer is always no… especially in my work, mixing the two, when I hear from friends who do go out on dates, it is a lot of pain and challenge, as they are always in the teacher roll. Which I wouldn’t appreciate.

Yesterday my teacher and I spent the day going to the market, he pushed me to talk to strangers on the Metro, ask for directions, strike up conversations on the street…and he is amazing, he just walks up and talks to everyone, shakes their hands, and he knows so many people here too…it is really amazing to watch him interact here. I watch myself not do that so much as Spanish isn’t my language, well, it isn’t yet anyway. So I see myself held in, as I don’t know how to express myself fully…and then with him there, he is watching me, it was very uncomfortable…what a journey…I felt like being back in grade school, being watched in how I did things…though I don’t remember ever having that experience, though I know I liked doing a good job in school and wanting to get the answers right. So there was pressure.

So my time in Medellin is coming to an end…I am a little sad about this, I have made a few friends here who I will miss. I will miss my teacher the most as I see him at least every other day, and we have so much fun together…I haven’t laughed so much with someone in a very long time. And then my dancing friends… I have made a deep connection with one man here that we are in connection everyday, and though most of our connection is over the phone or texting on Whatsapp, it is nice to know I will see him 1 or 2 times a week to dance…or like tonight I am introducing him to Breathwork and Cuddling! He is from Venezuela…I find the people from there are so kind and most all of them speak excellent English and are so friendly! It is too bad their country is going through so much turmoil right now and isn’t safe to be in. Many have escaped it, some have left alone at a very early age to improve their life!

I have loved getting to know this place…hiking, learning to speak on the street to people to get places…and them being willing to help.

I moved hostels…I love hostel living, I truly do…I love all the people I meet and connections. And the first 20 days I was here the hostel I was in was pristine, clean, brand new, great beds, privacy with curtains and your own fan and light, they made my bed every day and so much...but I didn’t get the warmth of the people staying there…so after my 20 day commit to stay there I moved to a new hostel where all of a sudden I had people in my life, hanging out with them everyday…I asked one man the first night to go to Salsa…he had never been out dancing or to Salsa, but he is 63 and had a new outlook on life and said yes…we had a blast together! The next day I got to explore more of the city with woman…it was lovely to connect, have great conversations and walk for hours and hours! So I am loving my new hostel!

I dance Salsa or Bachate 4 nights a week…and last night I was so tired from talking Spanish all day, but I knew it was my last night to dance here. So I went out…the locals started noticing I am here and our dance started getting more fluid…I really “get” I need to let the man lead, even if he isn’t….great feed back from the teacher! It was so much fun to start really getting the steps and feeling them! And feeling myself surrendering into being lead and feeling what that really felt like with each partner I danced with! As I was leaving the teacher told me he wanted to dance with me tomorrow night…I loved that. It warmed my whole being to have him want to dance with me! I truly felt honored…and it was only my 3rd Salsa class!

I am loving dancing so much, it is feeding me. As well as learning how to feed myself here…as they eat so many friend foods, and full on meals can be all meat and cheese or fried cheese. There are very little vegetarian meals…but I have found them. I found Govinda’s the Hare Krishna restaurant that I eat at in LA…well, I will say, it is nicer then the one in LA…live music playing, lots of menu options…it was just lovely to eat there…all open air and fresh and the pumkin soup was incredible….oh… as side note, my Spanish teacher gives everyone a nickname, he has called me Pumpkin in Spanish, which is Calabaza, what is interesting about this is I was called this as a child, being born so close to Thanksgiving. When I told him that he said “well, we are so similar, I picked up that”. We’d just been talking about how much we have in common when he asked if he could name me and I asked “what would you call me?” and when he came out with Calabaza and told me what it was…I just laughed! So he introduced me as that yesterday in the market!

My heart is happy about being in nature, being in small towns, but I will say Medellin got under my skin…there is something about this place, it is so big and yet so small. I have already ran into locals in different areas of town and felt so welcomed and how small it can feel here and yet it is huge. I really feel I am not a city person, but for a city, this is a wonderful place…with so much to do!

I have loved really getting in touch with “why I am here” in Medellin, I went in and out of seeing the others going out exploring every day when I had homework…and then I got that I am not specifically in Medellin to explore, though I have, I am here to learn Spanish and get some work done on an online course I’m doing. My system just relaxed then take in what I can!

Once I leave here it will be interesting how I will manage the online course, and I am sure it will work out!

Sunday was a full day, I put on a Cuddle and Contact Improv event in the park…the people were all new to all of it, so I was mostly teaching, it was an adventure! They didn’t know about the cuddling thing at all, and I honored they no when it came to cuddling. It was nice to dance though and show them some new things and they loved it! I went off to the Acroyoga class…the teacher found out I taught Contact Improv and wants me to teach him….so wonderful! After the class which was pretty advanced and a lot of fun, I followed them over to the jam! As I walked up my Spanish teacher came right up to me and greeted me! It was amazing to see what all these people could do and how they did it with fluidity or even with mistakes they just had so much fun! I love that!

I could tell this wasn’t my Spanish teachers comfort zone, in fact when I felt him I could feel he was feeling how I feel in Spanish so I asked him if he wanted to fly…he was a bit thrown off as he was had only flown people…so up he went and he was amazing. He flew me and we did a few new things… it was fun to see him outside the classroom and to feel a bit more in my element! I started having a few people ask me to practice with them and then a friend from the US showed up…he and I are meeting up tomorrow…and here he was in the park. Small world… I love this! I flew his friend who was with him and it was just a wonderful connected and tiring day! I danced from 11am-6pm with a 1 hour break! My kind of day…my kind of life really!

I really get that I love living this way, even though I could be doing these things at home… it feels so different here, especially with the language barrier. I have watched my resistance a little with the language thing and going to events, but it hasn’t been too hard amazingly enough. I have watched my shy side come out and it feels so strange, especially in those environments…and I am honoring them…as they are there!

Tomorrow I have to say good bye to my Spanish teacher, I will miss him a lot. He is the person I am closest with here…and that is part of traveling. I will be off to nature after staying the weekend with my friend and his wife over the weekend…so happy I got to learn he lives down here and reconnect!

There is so much more I can share…and I will leave you with this for now!

Men Being Amazing, Spanish Learning Styles & Dyslexia

Being dyslexic causes some issues in learning a new language…ok sure I took 2 weeks of Spanish back in Guatemala in 1997, but that was a long time ago and now after my Spanish teacher came to me yesterday asking if I was getting what I needed, as he didn’t think he was teaching me what I needed. Funny, I was having the sense of being a bad student as my brain doesn’t absorb as others do and he was feeling like he wasn’t being a good teacher. It was so nice to talk about it.

I then shared with him I have a learning disability, why I didn’t think to tell him before, I don’t know. But it was good that I shared it when I did, after the 3rd lesson. As he asked me “What is the best way for you to learn Spanish?” I had no answer for that. Languages have always boggled my mind. And I so desire to get to an intermediate level on this trip, or more. And it just doesn’t go in at times. So I have to call in a lot of patience, A LOT of sleep and time every day to study and only have classes every other day! Otherwise I get overwhelmed and nothing sticks.

So today I did some research on how a dyslexic can learn Spanish better…who knows which one will be the way my brain works the best…but I sent him the link…and then I sent him some searches I found on how to learn Spanish being dyslexic on Youtube.

I had no idea what the response would be from him. But he responded in a way that only a man could and it shocks me every time when a man is so generous! He said “I am canceling your lesson today and tomorrow I am canceling our hike so I can put together a lesson that is right for you. And it means I’ll invest time in learning something new ”. WOW!

I had no idea he’d do that…but that is what men do…they want to be of service, they want to make us happy and they want to be good at their job! So no, I don’t get to go hiking…he had invited me to go hiking with some friends of his…but I get to see what he comes up with on Monday for me. A few years ago I would not let him do that…as I’d feel like he was giving up to much for me…but as have learned and keep learning, men love to do things for us! So I am not feeling guilty, as I would have years ago...I am surrendering into the gift he is giving and he is receiving from letting him do this for me…and for him!

He recommended I listen to Spanish music…this is the band he recommended…it is beautiful! I don’t know all the words…but it so amazing to understand the words I do know! He suggested we learn a song together to sing at a performance he is doing…I am not sure if we have time…but it is a great idea for learning Spanish!

I am loving that this time around I do have Google Translator….it has been a life saver and a great teacher. Before I just had to ask my teacher or find the right book to look in! So good!

I met a Colombian recently with amazing English and he taught himself through English music and movies and some reading! So here I go…setting forth on my journey to find how I can learn Spanish better!

If you know of any great Youtube videos or videos at all to teach Spanish, I’d love to have any recommendations! Muchas Gracias! Ciao!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSumSzi6xIM

Spanish Lessons, Dance and Comuna 13

Yesterday I felt my system start to relax into being here. I could feel my “list of things to do” calm. The pressure just started to rise off of me. As I really got clear on “why am I here”? I am in Medellin to learn Spanish. And Sunday I took my first lesson, and it wiped me out. I haven’t had that kind of focused attention on something in ages from a mental point of view. And…I LOVE my teacher! We had a ton of fun, I made him laugh, and he is light hearted…and cute…that always helps! But he is good to going with the flow….or should I say my flow. As he knew without testing me fully in the first 20 minutes exactly where I was and what I needed to learn. He did have me read in Spanish, and he told me my pronunciation was great! Shew! I love that! Though I didn’t really know what I was reading. Today we started on past tense…Wow! What a crazy wild thing for my brain. It is like taking my brain, twisting it and squeezing it into a different sized box. Especially with the irregular verbs…WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!

Now..I don’t remember taking English and I don’t remember all the words and what things are…though I do know what verbs are. But what is amazing is how things are making sense to me…when he explains that they don’t end things with (I think they are called- with, it, etc) prepositions…something just shifted in me and I got it. I woke up thinking of Spanish, seeing how I can put sentences together and by the end of today’s lesson I really got that I really want to learn this. I feel motivated. Though my dyslexic brain is having brain strain…and yes, at times I feel my embarrassment of not getting it faster and I am really liking it.

Last week I spend 5 hours on Friday doing Contact Improv…truth…it felt amazing! I got to help teach, I showed some how to lift and I felt high on life. I got to know the teacher, his husband and their boyfriend! Yes gay marriage if legal here and they are all so happy! It was beautiful to connect with them…learn who they are, how they live and feel their joy in their lives!

I got to take my first Salsa lesson here the other night too…WOW! I truly love this dance! I haven’t danced it in ages and my last lessons (on a regular basis) was in 2001 in India…yes that is right! And man I loved it then and I love it now! So much fun!

What I am learning by being here and by doing this online course with Alison Armstrong is why I wasn’t fully fulfilled the last year or so I was in LA. It didn’t have to do with what I fully thought it was. It had to do with not doing the things I love…I didn’t make as much time as I needed to fill up my cup…to really take the time to be creative, to be physical…part of that was my knee, but part of it was I got to into my work…my work became my life and I love my work…and I realize now I have got to find balance in work and fun…otherwise I won’t be happy when I come back either. Part of me wishes I would have done this course this past year, while I was in LA, when I was meant to be doing it…and I also know that this is the time I’m meant to be doing it. I am creating lists and things to do that I need in my daily life to keep me filled, fulfilled and in my joy…. And that goes for being here too! I have the “why’s and the what to do” in order to be how I want to be in this world…and this feels good! I really get that I need to move, I need to be active, this is what makes me happy…with the balance of reading, writing, creating art through dying clothes and sewing…Kundalini Yoga and so much more!

I get up every morning…do my homework from the PAX program and then after that I start going over my Spanish lessons, then have Spanish and then I’m off to my day!

Yesterday I took off to Comuna 13…I had not heard of this place before being here...but this was one of the most dangerous places in the world from 1980-1993. It was filled with drug trafficking, killing people, manipulating, killing families, the military and guerrilla army and how every thing was a trap for the people. But the art there…the art was breath taking…it was like walking around an art gallery in the streets. And these artists are amazing! It is hard to believe these people do what they do and every few years the come back and paint over their paintings or someone asks to paint over the last artists painting to create more art. I saw one wall completely transformed on my street in 2 days! It went from black to colorful and full of surprise!

I have finally adjusted to the time change…I wake up now at 6:30am feeling peaceful, feeling into my body, into my day to come...I think of and sometimes in Spanish and then get up and go.

The people here are just amazing…they are friendly, helpful, and willing to practice with me my Spanish lessons! Yes, I have to talk to strangers every day now for my homework. And it is good. Most people don’t see my shy side, but that is because I’m mostly shy when I’m doing things I don’t do well…and when I don’t do something well my shy side shines forth. It is stretching me big time and it is so good.

I’m loving being here…relaxing in. I’m excited to see what is to come and I love learning more about this country, how to travel in it and what there is to see and do. I just found out that I can stay a year here if I wanted to…all legally and on a tourist visa. Who knows if I will, but it is exciting to think about. I have always wanted to immerse myself in a Latin country and learn Spanish. And though the Spanish here is different from Guetemala…and Argentina, I’m adjusting to it. The double ll’s sound differently in each of these countries and that is a bit challenging for my brain to remember which way to say it here. For not having studied Spanish in 22 years I think I’m doing well!

First Day In Medellin, Colombia

Day 2 of being here in Medellin! My journey here has been powerful and telling on who I am, who I have been and who I either returning to or becoming!


I showed up on 20 minutes of sleep in 2 days…I took a 4 hour nap that only barely quenched my thirst for rest. I went out on search for dinner, wandering the streets until I found just the right nook for me to have a tasty meal. Oddly enough I am in a part of that doesn’t have Colombian, typical food, it is almost all international…Vietnamese, Mexican, Pizza, etc. So the tacos won and I ate Mexican food at this sweet little place! It was delicious! At dinner I talked to a man that has been living here 4 months…he is learning Spanish and it had my heart thrill to know that I could do that too…possibly not here in Medellin, as it is still a city…not what I’m looking for. But to learn Spanish, that is exciting for me! He also told me in all the big cities the water is so chlorinated that it is drinkable…now I’m not sure if that is good news or not, but he, along with many others seem to think that is a plus over drinking out of plastic. I don’t like either myself.

I am staying in a lovely hostel in a dorm room with 5 other women and a private bathroom…and the best thing about this space is that every bed has it’s own curtain…which makes it so much easier for my self love and self pleasuring practice daily…though I just have to keep my sound down…which I am not used to..haha!  It is worth it though. As some of my roommates are just lovely! I love how each one is so independent, from different countries, doing their own thing and on their own exploration!

I forced myself to stay up until 10:30pm that night…and I know it is the best way to get over jetlag.

I woke up the first morning after 9 hours of sleep. I think it is has been 2 or 3 months since I have even gotten 8 hours of sleep. Preparing for this trip was a full time job on top of working, etc. And now it is time to relax. I didn’t jump out of bed…I didn’t run to my phone or my computer. I just laid there feeling my body…how tired it was, how wonderful it was to do nothing. Self employment….as much as I LOVE it…it has done a number to my relaxing schedule. I really “got” the week I was leaving one big reason for coming on a long trip is to learn more about how to balance things…I have been working for 6 years solid, no long vacations…so my system finally just needed a big traveling journey…which is why I am here. If I’d gone to Mexico, like planned in January I probably wouldn’t be here now…and I know everything is perfect.

I got out of bed at 11am, man…I don’t remember the last time I did that. I got dressed and headed out to find the breakfast I’ve been longing for…beans, rice, eggs and PLATANOS (which are cooked bananas)! I love Plantains! I fell in love with them in Guatemala and have never stopped loving or thinking of them. I remember flying into Medellin, seeing all the greenery, so gorgeous..and just like Guatemala city the city came in and it was a bit of a shock…but this city is different…it is clean, there are no holes in the middle of the sidewalks you can fall into and it has green everywhere.

As I wandered out to find my breakfast, the receptionist wasn’t used to people asking for traditional breakfast…so it took her a while to find a place a 12 minute walk away, which was fine by me. I took the walk, the first thing I noticed are the people are so aware…they were aware of me walking up behind them…they looked at me, they really looked at my armpit hair if I raised my arms..oh well…it is all good! They were very sweet and no one spoke English! For a city this big, 2nd largest city here in Colombia, it is amazing they don’t speak English..which is so good, as I get to practice.

As I sat down for breakfast in this sweet little place, surrounded by a water fountain, an open courtyard, orange tile floors, I looked at the menu…I didn’t find what I wanted all in one…this woman came over and pieced my meal together…her attitude was one of being of service. As I waited for my meal I sat and read…no phone, just read about this area…FINALLY! If I’d read about it sooner…if I’d had the time to get to know this area before coming from the US, I probably would have packed differently…and it is all good. My blood started to pump, my heart excited, my traveling being started to perk up and the thrill of this country poured into me!

And then breakfast came, it was perfect…I’d never seen plantains so large with so many on my plate all for me! I was in heaven and they tasted even better! Half way through my meal I realized I was hurrying so I could read…and realized there was no hurry, I could read while eating..which is better for my digestion. This was the first time I read and ate in years…to take the time to take in both…be conscious with each bite and to take in my book…YUM! And 1.5 hours later my hot cocoa was done and most of my breakfast, and I was full…I was exhilarated by just one chapter of guide book!

I walked out onto the streets and I noticed my eyes took in everything…I was curious…my tiredness had worn off some and excitement was in it’s place. I was off to find a sim card for my phone…now, I’d been told this was quite a feat, and it was…store to store to store…many had the sim card, but didn’t have the service. After 2 malls I was drawn to a Samsun store and as I walked up the man inside said “Hello, how are you?” I was taken back a bit as that was the first English I’d heard most all day and it was clear and the best I’ve heard!

I love how people in shops will just leave their shop to show you where you need to go. No telling the other people in the shop, they just leave. He found me the right store and I was set up within 30-40 minutes with a new sim card, number and service for all of $13.00 a month!

This was pretty exhausting so I headed back to my hostel to find a way of calling 800 numbers in the US from my phone (international calls are not included) but 800 numbers maybe an exception. As one of my bank accounts wouldn’t let me sign in without my US phone number…they knew my phone was off within 24 HOURS of me being out of the country…that is crazy! Well, after much trying, I turned to Skype and it worked! And after much explaining she finally found a way to get me on my computer with my bank account..which to my bank “isn’t allowed” without a US phone number. It took some hoop jumping but I got in!

I laid down for a bit, realizing I had nothing to do…and didn’t need, nor want to do anything but relax as I was tired.

I went to find dinner and found a new friend from the hostel at a restaurant, and had my very first pizza with chicken and broccoli on it, I added mushrooms..it was so good!

I really got so see how much I have to unwind, slow down and take every moment as it comes. I really got I needed to get a few things done but do it in a way that feels good to my system. The truth is I am not always working at home…but my mind doesn’t turn off. As so now, I get to work on being in the moment. I also notice when I have something “scheduled” there is a certain tension in my system..mostly as I want to be on time and don’t know how to get anywhere just yet by Metro.

There is lots of unwind…and my first day here was heaven…I really loved how it just flowed and I got things done and the magic of travel came back into my blood!