My Quarantine Time

I keep hearing people having such a hard time with the quarantine and not being able to see friends and family.

My truth is I feel a sense of relief and joy. My reality is, I am an introvert, I am one of these people that thinks I want to be around people more, but then when I do, within a few hours I am ready for my alone time, even if I loved being around them…there are those few I could spend much longer periods of time with, but this is rare. I realize that this mandatory quarantine has given me a sense of freedom from guilt of those words “you should be doing this or that”. As really, I shouldn’t be doing anything now but staying in and do physical therapy. So that voice has calmed and now I get to do all the puttering I want to do without guilt.

You see, living in LA for so long without close community there, I have learned to be alone. It comes at a spiritual & mental price of wanting community and having that little voice saying “you should have people to call and say ‘hey lets hangout’” and it just isn’t so. With the traffic, so many needing to work so much to pay bills, distances sometime being far, and some just needing to cancel for work last minute, I stopped asking to connect after many years. Which was very sad for me being a small town girl that was used to having someone to call and see all the time. I still long for community everyday, even in my introverted space!

So being in quarantine is just like being at home, except without going hiking, to the gym and dance every week and going for my near daily cuppa chai. It is interesting to me how so many are so used to being around others and this is so hard for them…and this is so normal for me…with the bonus of no guilt or pressure to get out of the house more. Though I can relate to it when I switched from being a hair stylist to a massage therapist full time, my social life changed and I missed talking to and being around people, and then grew accustomed to it.

I am a traveler, but one that does my exploring when I am on the road, once I am stable, I don’t do a lot of exploring around where I live unless I have someone in my life that wants to and I am happy to go with them. But left to my own devices, I don’t like going out to explore places by myself when I am stabilized in one place, I like company for that. Though I will go to movies and hikes alone with not even a thought.

I have this voice that usually is telling me I am missing something, and maybe I am or maybe I am not. I am at peace when I am doing things I love.

Like lately I have been having all this free head space to watch youtube’s on things I want to learn about…like how to work with Zoom better in groups and breakout rooms, it is fascinating to me and makes me very excited to know more how to use it, or gathering information on Bill Gates and what he has done or tried to do and is doing right now for this planet…I never ever watched or read anything on this man and now he is utterly fascinating to me and grateful he is on this planet. If you haven’t watched the 3 part series on what he has done in his life on Netflix, please do. And now what he is doing with the virus, investing in our health and future blows me away. These are things I would not make time for or have internal space for before, as all I did was think about work, do work stuff, do some of my own day dreaming or I was out hiking, at the gym, walking on the beach, writing or dancing. But my weekly social time really consisted of going to dance once a week, and maybe seeing a friend or having a few calls a week when I was at home.
Yes, the virus has me concerned everyone’s health, and yet, I am loving going on a daily walk or two, and spending the rest of my time puttering and learning things I’ve wanted to learn or finding out what I want to learn about.

I have a list of things I want to do, it is overwhelming at times…like go through all my emails (I have over 10,000) and delete all I don’t need, continue my PAX program, make videos on many things, organize photos on my computer, make music, make playlists, sing, find new ways to workout my knee, write more, read a book, hang in my hammock more and read my book there, and continue to write on my inner and outer work, amongst many other things.

So I am not going through what others are going through…I do talk to someone on the phone, on Zoom or in person at least every other day if not a little every day, and that is more socializing then I have had in ages. It has filled me up and truth be told, I am more social now that I have been in months or years. That does make me happy, though my introvert says it is cutting into my alone time. And I just calm that voice and enjoy my time with my friends. As being with people or talking, especially cuddling (which I can’t do now), just 20 minutes a day fills me up!

I will say, I miss cuddling and hugs- it is what I miss most, I miss teaching live and in person, I miss my chai and my long hikes…other than that I am doing pretty darn well. I think I am in the perfect place for what is going on with the world. I just wish there could be more touch. And I have started eye gazing with friends online and even strangers who want to try it and I am loving it, as it is one of my favorite things and it fills me up too.

Big love, from this introvert!